Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
