OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
