He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
