Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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