I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
