I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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