I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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