Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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