so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My dick has a subreddit
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
