I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
