he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize