she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
