i jhust puked up my retainher.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
