im about as happy as oj after his trial
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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