I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
