Who wears a wallet chain?!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
