just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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