so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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