I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
