Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
