So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
