sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like death gave me a hand job
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
