we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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