grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
