Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
