I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
