dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
