A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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