The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
