Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
