Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
