I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
