Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
