My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Randomize
