Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Your cock deserves a montage
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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