They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
