You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
wow bdsm is so cute
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