Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Come on in and take your pants off
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