I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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