had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
