i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
