i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
