You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
