He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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