He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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