me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
