I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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