were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My life is pants optional.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
