update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
