Kareoke will never be a sober sport
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
