is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I cut my penus on the lid.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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