it's not cheating when I paid for it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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