I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
