that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
