yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
