I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
