ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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