I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Randomize
