Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
